Bite Me Spider: An Eight-Legged Nightmare Read online

  Steve was still pissing when James heard it: a vast rustling sound, like the movement of a million hairy legs and a million chewing mandibles. It was a disgusting, gurgling sound that for some reason reminded James of boiling pretzels. The spiders were approaching.

  James cast his eye up the street and saw it. The black wave of spiders. It was pouring down the avenue like a stream of black lava from a cursed volcano. He could see that the spiders were larger than ever. Each was twice as large as the Shih Tzu that he held in his arms.

  “Get in here!” James shouted.

  Steve opened his eyes and turned to look at the advancing menace. A look of abject fear twisted his face. Without even bothering to stop his stream of urine, let alone tuck his dick back in his pants, the young man started running. James stepped inside the store, followed by Steve. The younger guy had pissed the front of his pants in his attempt to escape. As soon as they were inside, James locked the doors, not knowing what good it would do. The front of the store was comprised entirely of glass and probably wasn’t strong enough to withstand a tidal wave of hefty spiders. James had the distinct feeling that he was doomed. He ground his teeth together in anger, realizing that he would probably never see his wife and daughter again because this asshole kid needed to moan and groan while pissing on the front of a Seven Eleven.

  “Sorry about that man,” Steve said apologetically.

  “Shut up.”

  The Shih Tzu started yapping again in James’ arms. He quickly gave the beast another doggy snack, which quieted it down.

  An instant later the spiders arrived. They began to fling themselves at the glass front of the store. Either they mistook the clear substance as thin air, or they knew that the front was made of glass and figured they could break it if they hit it with enough force. James and Steve both backed away from the glass, trying to put as much space between themselves and the black horde.

  Individually, the impact of the spiders wasn’t enough to break the glass. But, James reflected, if they were to act in unison and jump all at once, the glass would surely crack from their collective impact. He just hoped that the spiders weren’t that smart.

  With their backs against the rear wall of the Seven Eleven, James and Steve watched as the pile of spiders pressed against the glass grew higher and higher, until it was a twitching wall of legs and spider faces from bottom to top. The electricity in the store had been turned off long ago, so there were no other lights in the place beside the overcast gray daylight. With the glass completely blocked by spiders, it became almost pitch black inside the store. The only light inside the store at that point came from the random patches that managed to filter inside through the twitching legs of the spiders. The premature darkness made the strange scene before them all the eerier.

  James fed another doggy snack to the shivering Shih Tzu as he watched the wall of spiders with mounting nausea. The black eyes on swaying stalks, chewing mandibles dripping with venom, gooey maws of the spiders mouths, bulbous bellies, and twitching legs covered with thick, prickly hairs, all formed a bizarre pattern, as if the spiders were some kind of living wallpaper.

  As James watched, sickened to his core, the mouths of the spiders seemed to move in perfect unison. Was it his imagination? Or were the mouths all whispering something? He squinted and tried to listen to whatever it was that the swarm of spiders was saying.

  “You cannot escape us,” the spiders said together as one. This phrase was sibilant and elongated, more like the song of an alien that the whisper of a human being. “You cannot escape us. You cannot escape us.” The wall of spiders continued to hiss this again and again.

  “What the hell are we going to do?” Steve finally said, his voice shaking with fear.

  “I don’t know,” James grumbled. “I suppose we can start by seeing if there’s a back way we can get out of.”

  James gave the dog in his arms another doggy snack and wished he could have given Steve a snack to keep him quiet.

  The two men inched along the rear wall, unsure of whether the spiders could see them with their beady black eyes or if the venomous beasts were smart enough to understand their plan of escape.

  They found a hallway and followed it. It was incredibly dark due to the utter lack of light, but there was a door at the end through which a thin line of light was shining. The two men made it to the rear door and pushed it open as quietly as they were able. The door opened onto a back alley. It was an alley that trucks drive down to bring supplies. To their surprise, there were no spiders on hand whatsoever. The universe must know about my plight, James reflected, and it wants us to succeed. At least that was his fervent hope.

  “The spiders must not know about this alley,” Steve said.

  James had the sudden urge to punch his companion in the nose.

  No sooner had Steve made his dull observation than the alley was darkened at one end by the wriggling horde of spiders. James kept the door open a crack as he watched the beasts advance. He could feel the Shih Tzu wriggling in his arms and was suddenly struck by the sad feeling that he would never see his daughter again. The dog was fidgety and James guessed that it was about to start yapping again. He reached into the bag of doggy snacks and discovered that it was empty. He had fed the Shih Tzu the last snack. James was just about to close the door and head back inside when the unthinkable occurred.

  The Shih Tzu, restless from the sudden lack of doggy snacks, gave a loud yap and leaped from James’s arms. Before James could catch the animal, it ran yapping into the back alley.

  The wave of spiders gave a collective hiss and began to move. The Shih Tzu saw the swarm of beasts and ran yapping in the opposite direction. The spiders all clattered after the Shih Tzu. Not just a few of the beasts, but every last one of them.

  James and Steve kept the back door open a half inch to watch the action. The entire swarm chased after the dog, following it out of the alley and around the corner of the building. Within seconds the coast was again clear.

  “Come on!” James hissed.

  Steve nodded and they both ran from the back door, going down the alley in the opposite direction of the spiders. James had still wanted to get some things from the Seven Eleven but at that point just said ‘fuck it,’ his life was more important than any supplies. He had the Algopyrin, which was the most important thing. There was no way he could have returned to the Happy Clam without the medicine.

  The two men trotted back down the street that led back to the pharmacy and kept running until they reached the shore.

  “Alright guy,” James said to Steve when they got to where they first met. “This is where we part ways.”

  Steve put his hands on his knees and panted to catch his breath after their long run.

  “Hey…” he said, heaving a few deep breaths. “I hope you’re not sore about my fuck up back there.”

  “I’m just glad we’re alive,” James said. The fact is that he was sore. He was, in fact, quite livid. It was taking every atom of willpower not to sock the kid in his fool mouth. But he figured, why bother. The only important thing to him at that point was to get back home to his boat and see his wife and kid.

  “Okay man,” Steve said. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

  James started walking in the opposite direction.

  “Not if I see you first,” he grumbled.

  Chapter 6

  James had parted ways with Steve a little ways off from where he’d stashed his rubber suspenders under the tarp. He made sure that the weird guy with the mirrored shades was well out of sight before he pulled the suspenders out from where they were hidden. This wasn’t because he was worried about revealing their location, per se, but because he didn’t want Steve seeing him put them on and wading out into the reeds where his boat was anchored. He didn’t want anyone knowing where he kept his boat, or anything about him, really. Total secrecy was his policy. He had no idea how long he and his family would be forced to lead this clandestine existence, but he wanted to retain h
is secrecy for as long as he could. Once the spiders were eradicated and people started to rebuild civilization, and more specifically once there were laws to protect innocent civilians, then he would bring his family out of hiding. But as things stood for right now, the world was like the Wild West, with no sheriff in sight.

  He slipped into his rubber suspenders, tied his shoes together by their laces, tossed them over his shoulder, and waded out to the boat. He bided his time for a while, just sitting in his boat, before he started the motor. Then he kept it on the lowest setting, so it didn’t make a lot of noise, and took it back out to sea, going at a fairly slow crawl the whole time. It wasn’t until he had covered a good distance that he really opened up the motor and took it up to a decent speed. When he finally saw The Happy Clam up ahead he smiled from relief. He was always happy to see Hannah and Carol, but he was especially relieved to see them after today.

  As James took the motorboat back out the Happy Clam and scrambled aboard, he could barely lift his arms and legs. And when he walked inside the cabin he was almost ready to collapse. Hannah, as always, was relieved that he was back, and grateful for the fact that he’d brought the medicine. Carol was sleeping, and as bad as James wanted to give her a hug and kiss, he didn’t want to wake her up.

  As Hannah wiped his sweat speckled brow he told her about his day, how he’d had a close call with the spiders, how he had found a pet Shih Tzu that he wanted to bring back for Carol and then lost it, and how he had teamed up with Steve.

  “This guy Steve is a real knucklehead…” he told Hannah. “Not a bad guy, necessarily, at least not from what I can tell, but just a screwball.”

  “How so?”

  “For one thing, I think he has a drug problem. He took forever in the pharmacy we raided, and when I went in there after him, I saw that he had ransacked the place. So there’s that. And then there’s all the stupid shit he would pull, like making a lot of noise and attracting the spiders. He wouldn’t be such a bad guy if he just used some common sense.”

  “What is that line of Sartre’s from ‘No Exit’?” Hannah asked. “Hell is other people?”

  James laughed. “Yeah, that’s the one. Very appropriate for this day and age.”

  “Well, I guess if you only had to deal with him this one time, that’s not so bad.”

  “No, I guess not,” James reflected. “And the fact is that I did enjoy talking to another human being. I didn’t realize how much of a hermit I’d been, except for having you and Carol of course. I feel bad for the two of you, by the way, being stuck out here on the boat all the time.”

  “I do look forward to when this whole crazy episode is behind us. If it is ever truly behind us,” Hannah said. “I mean, at some point, Carol is going to be older and she’ll want to socialize. Even if I home school her out here on the fishing boat, she’s going to need to mingle with other kids. Maybe in a year or so some survivors will band together and create a community. Maybe we can return to land at some point and have Carol go to a proper school with other kids.”

  “We’ll see,” was all James could say. He didn’t want to get his hopes up. “The main thing that worries me is how you’re going to give birth to Ben. If there are any complications, I want to either have someone on hand who knows what they’re doing, or be near some kind of hospital. I wonder if the General Hospital is still operating? Maybe a few doctors and nurses have managed to hole themselves up there. That seems like an obvious place for people to gather.”

  “I doubt it,” Hannah said with a frown. “After all, that part of Boston is pretty much Ground Zero. I would think that the spiders are especially thick around there.”

  She paused for a moment and then asked: “You think the government or the military or the president will save us?”

  “It looks like you’re the one who asks that today,” James said with a wry chuckle. “If I remember correctly yesterday it was me who asked.”

  Hannah smiled. “Well, maybe one of these days we’ll get our answer.”

  James leaned forward and brushed aside his wife’s hair. Even without makeup Hannah was a knockout. He kissed her and told her how beautiful she was.

  “You really still find me attractive?” she asked, smiling shyly. “Even with my big belly?”

  James made a point of kissing her belly, imparting his love to both his wife and their unborn child. He knew how lucky he was. He loved the fact that even though he and Hannah had been married for seven years, the two of them could be like teenagers around each other.

  “I’d say that you’re a 10/10.” He kissed her lips again. “And every day I get to spend with you is 10/10 for me. No matter how trying or exasperating or dangerous it is, if I get to lie down next to you at night, I’m happy.”

  Even though it wasn’t yet night, Hannah and James lied down together. They stayed up on the deck so they wouldn’t wake Carol who was still sleeping inside. James looked around to see if any other boats were within sight distance. Satisfied that they were alone, he pushed the spaghetti strap of Hannah’s blouse over her shoulder so that her tender flesh was exposed and then began kissing her all over her body. Hannah leaned back and let her husband explore her anatomy, thrilling at the prickly touch of his beard in her most private areas. The entire time she savored the caressing breezes of the warm, yet overcast day.

  The two of them made love in the quiet way of adults who don’t want to wake a sleeping child. Rather than suppress their passion, this fact condensed it, multiplied it, turned it into a smoldering force that warmed them both. It was a feeling that they would both cherish, until the next time they had a chance to rekindle the flame, whenever that might be.

  Although the loving couple had assumed that their tender moment was a private one, it wasn’t. A half mile away the image of their writhing bodies was being scrutinized through a high powered pair of binoculars.

  Steve took the binoculars from his eyes, took a bite of a sandwich and chewed it. Without his mirrored sunglasses on, his eyes were an unpleasant sight. They were bloodshot to the point of looking pink, with giant opaque pupils yawning in the centers. After taking another bite, Steve put the binoculars back up to his eyes and enjoyed the rest of the show.

  Chapter 7

  James and Hannah woke up the next morning to the sound of Carol moaning in pain.

  “Mommy, Daddy, my head hurts.”

  Hannah put a cold compress on her daughter’s head. James stroked his daughter’s arm and told her that she would feel better soon.

  “The Algopyrin is helping, but only a little bit,” Hannah said, her voice straining with worry. “I think we should get her to a hospital. What she really needs is an MRI.”

  James sighed. “I agree,” he said, albeit reluctantly. Although he wanted her to get the care she needed, he really didn’t want to take her back ashore. Between the roving swarms of spiders, and all the untrustworthy survivors lurking about, it was hardly safe for a girl of seven. But if he absolutely had to, he would take her.

  “Should I come with you?” Hannah asked.

  James thought about this. He was torn. On the one hand, he could certainly use his wife’s help. As Steve had said, “Two heads are better than one.” This was especially true when making a foray into spider territory. There were plenty of times when a second person was needed to keep their eyes open and stay on guard. He would have Carol with him, but she was a child, and in her state hardly able to help him. To the contrary, the foray would be much harder with her going along with him. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to bring Hannah with them. The only problem was leaving The Happy Clam unattended. It could easily be stolen or taken over by other survivors. Despite the lack of spiders, the sea was just as lawless as the land.

  “No,” he finally said. “I think you should stay here to guard the boat. If we lose The Happy Clam, we lose everything.”

  Hannah frowned. She could see what a tough spot they were in. She wished there were just one other person they could trus
t.

  As the two of them stared at each other in pensive silence, a sound reached their ears. It was faint at first but gradually grew until it was too loud to ignore. It soon became obvious that the sound was an approaching motor. A boat was coming very close to theirs.

  James put his finger to his lips to indicate that Hannah should keep quiet. And he made a gesture for her to keep out of sight. Hannah cupped Carol’s head in her hands and ducked down, keeping her daughter’s head tucked under hers.

  James pulled a curtain over to look out of one of the fishing boat’s port holes. He could see a dark shape moving across the water. It was an old rowboat, outfitted with an old fashioned motor. There was a single figure in the motorized rowboat, but the figure was still too far off to see. The figure was just a silhouette against the rising sun.

  “Ssssh,” James said. “I don’t know if that boat is coming out to us or what. But if they come up alongside the boat, just stay down here and keep quiet. I don’t want anyone knowing that I’m out here with a family. Let them think I’m a hermit. I’ll be especially unfriendly if they come a calling.”

  “What if it’s someone who needs help?” Hannah whispered.

  “Then they’ll have to go look for it somewhere else. I can be a real asshole when I have to be.”

  Hannah squeezed James’ hand. She knew that her husband was anything but an asshole, but she appreciated that he could go against the grain of his own nature if need be.

  She kept her head down as James continued to watch the figure in the approaching boat. The motorboat drew closer and closer to the Happy Clam. At some point the stripes of a track suit became visible, as well as the reflecting glint off a pair of mirrored shades.

  “Fuck,” James whispered harshly.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s that jerk, Steve. The kid who I teamed up with yesterday. What the hell is he doing out here?”

  Hannah didn’t answer, of course, as she was now wondering the same thing.